“Come”, they said. “There’ll be snow”, they said. “It will be fun”, they said. So…they said.
This was the beginning of the lies.
I was promised a snow adventure. No, no, no. Lyla and I were promised a snow adventure. I believed them, so I agreed to convince Lyla to get in the car to be trapped for hours and hours. We did. And I kept hearing about snow and fun. The lies just kept coming.
“It will only take a few hours”, they said. It took almost 6 hours. Or so they said. That could have been a lie too, for all I know. It seemed like days.
“It will be fun”, they said. As soon as we got there, they made us be calm, and then made us go to bed.
“There will be snow”, they said. I didn’t see any snow. I saw sun, trees, pine needles, rocks, moss, and pine cones. “Look at all the textoos Momma!” …uuuhh, wait… WHO said that??!!! Did that come from MY mouth????? Great. Just great. No snow, no fun, AND I sound like THEM. I should just lay down by the tree and wait for a bear to get me. It would probably be more fun.
We went on a walk, and DID find a little snow, but nothing to write about (ha ha…get it?).
“Let’s go on a hike now”, they said. “It will be fun”, they said. “It will be short”, they said.
Okay, so who takes a 2-year old and a 3-year old on a hike?? And I heard someone say it was a couple miles!!! WHO DOES THAT???!!! Seriously. WHO????!!! Come on. Are you kidding me??!!! I USED to think my Momma and Daddy were the smartest people in the world, even superheroes. Now I have my doubts.
There was only one thing left to do…no bones. I suddenly lost all ability to walk, move or be supported by my bones. Works every time. “It will be fun”, they said. “ I’ll show them fun”, I said. How fun is it carrying two 35-pound squirmy toddlers in thin air and sun for miles? Sure, there were amazing things to look at, but I was too busy with my plan of protest to help Momma find those things. From the sweat and grumpy faces I saw, I was pretty sure I had taught them a lesson! Success.
Feeling satisfied with my success, and even proud of Lyla for joining the protest, I continued their punishment by refusing to eat lunch. And then kicking things. And then losing all bones when they came near me. More success.
Later, because there was no snow, we went out to a playground. Barely amused, I felt a little hope when I was promised to see a beaver and beaver house. This could be good.
“Let’s go”, they said. “It will be fun”, they said. “ A small hike”, they said. FREEZE! STOP!! I wasn’t taking these lies again. They seemed to be slow learners. So I suddenly had a horrible pain in my foot and had to limp. I added a whine just to drive my point home. I limped so good (so bad?) that Momma’s face went soft with love….and…wait for it….she….CARRIED ME! Lyla was on her own this time.
It was genius. I got to be carried by Momma, AND she told me about all the cool stuff we were seeing. No snow. BUT…we saw bear claw marks on a tree, flowers, a little creek, different leaves and trees than what live by us, butterflies, squirrels, crazy looking people, and finally…a beaver house!!!
Okay, okay. So the weekend wasn’t a total bust. But that doesn’t change the lies. Oohhh, that is going to stay with me awhile.
While I’m healing, you can look at some quick pictures of what we saw. “It will be fun”…he said.